A good night out.

"kiss me."
"No".
"You don't have to make that face. Come on kiss me."
"I don't wanna".
"You'll like it..."
"No I won't."
"How do you know if you've never tried it? Come on, put those juicy full lips of yours on mine. You know you want to."
"You do have nice full lips as well... It's just that I'm afraid our moustaches will stick together like Velcro and we'll never get back apart."
"And that is a bad thing? Kiss me."
"Oh for the love of Christ..."
TWO HOURS EARLIER........
Lady D, Mark and I have gone to this new movie that everyone is raving about. All I know is that it is about the IRA and has Stephen Rhea and Forrest Whitaker in it. Pretty good film so far and the girl is smoking hot. She kind of looks like my girlfriend Lady D but D isn't that tall. Same lovely color and sharp tongue.
What a fantastic story line. This movie is really good and it looks like a sex scene coming up to boot! Why are Mark and D looking at me and not at the screen? I Know they have already seen the movie but damn this is hot. Oh boy about to get her naked......?
"oh my god!" I gasped loudly to the giggles of those around me in the theatre. Never saw it coming.
Mark asks after the film "so what do you think?" D is smiling at me as he asks.
"I think....that might have been the most romantic film I've ever seen...even the bit where she kills that awful woman".
"She?"
"Well yeah...I mean...well yeah, she. What is a bigger part of her anatomy her brain or her penis?"
BACK ON THE COUCH......
"Kiss me".
"Mark, I don't feel that way about you. When I look at D I get all jelly in the knees and there is a pulse in my gut of love...of desire."
"Like that fellow in the film had for the girl? My my wasn't he surprised."
"But he was attracted to her as a girl."
"Yet after he knew differently he still went to prison for her. Now that is love."
"Well...hmm. That is love and he did desire her".
"Oh so you don't love me, we're just buddies. But you will kiss your girl buddies."
" No man, I mean, yes I love you. You are my best friend. You are sweet and smart and I guess I do have that pulse in my gut that tells me I love you but-"
"I think you have your pulses a little mixed up. I think that pulse you're talking about is a little lower than your gut."
"But I can't help it. That's just how I am."
" Me too. This is just how I am. At least you have thought about this instead of closing your mind and eyes as to who I am and who you are."
"Awww, kiss me you little scamp."
My toes didn't curl. Nor did I burst into flame or suddenly become gay.
"Mark, you reckon they get together after he gets out of prison and they live happily ever after?"
"yes most definitely my romantic friend."