Grifters and the real deal.

"Never give a sucker an even break". W.C. Fields. It takes a special breed to pass off bullshit as the real deal. The long con takes a cold heart and a sweet tongue and an immunity to the guilt that comes with lying. Most politicians are blessed with these skills. I met a new store owner in Troy Al. who tried to run a line on me that made me think to myself, "Do I look stupid to you?" She is opening a Health food store on the main square of Troy. It is a wonderful old square with a green in the middle with tiny shops all around. Her store is next to a guitar and fiddle shop and a boutique that sells hand made clothes. Pretty good location i said to her but she rolled her eyes and said that she was sure the fiddle shop was going to bring in "droves" of customers. I told her fiddlers bring good luck but she didn't believe me. She is going to sell mainly supplements because she said everyone knows healthy food tastes like crap. Odd attitude for a health food dealer to have. She went on to say that she had a machine that could tell anyone what was ailing them and what vital and expensive as hell supplements, vitamins and minerals they were needing. O.K. I bit, "What kind of machine do you have?" I was thinking of some ultra modern "Star Trek" kind of tricorder device that could scan your body like an M.R.I. Nope. She showed me what looked like two joy sticks from an old Atari video game. You grab on to them and they can read your electromagnetic force field and from this she can prescribe a regimen of pills to bring a body back into the fold of "wellness". She was delighted at how well the machine was for increasing her sales on supplements. The mark up on pills is phenomenal. Three times the price she pays for them. No wonder we have the most expensive health care in the world. I'm glad I was able to stop myself from calling bullshit. I knew a really fine Herbs woman a long time ago who could tell you all of the pharmacological effects a tincture of herbs could do for you. She was like a walking botanical encyclopedia and yet with all this knowledge of how to concoct a myriad of drugs she would insist that if you wanted to be healthy you had to eat good food. That's it. No wonder machine. Just eat your vegetables. Hmm... no money to be made with that attitude. We want the easy fix. The painless remedy. We are ready made marks. I have no respect for those who profit from either a gullible public or a people afraid. You can sell these folks any line of crap but common sense. I was going to go on about my last stop on the trip and tell you about a woman who freaked me out by trying to put a spell on me. But in all fairness she was not a grifter. Her religion might be the biggest rip off ever conceived but I'm sure she was honest in her faith. "In the name of Jesus I want all doubt to be cast out of this man and taken to a dry place so he may accept the Lord into his heart and know God." I'm sure she would say she was praying for me but she went into the incantation to drive the demons out of me like I was possessed. For a split second I thought about falling to the floor and trying to puke up green bile for her but in the end all I could do was smile and say "Sorry, I'm still a happy Heathen but I appreciate your concern." I wonder why I'm always being hawked either drugs or God to make my life better. I must be looking worn....probably need to eat more vegetables. I could go for some borscht come to think of it.